He loved us first.

 In my depths, in the places only I could know, I believed that there was nothing left to live for. But on the day He found me in a miraculous, all powerful and life-altering way: February 23, 2014 - my real birthday, I found something and someone worth dying for. I knew that day I was never abandoned by God during those prodigal years I ran away from Him with feet hurrying to badness - for even then I was clay to the Maker of vessels.  His conformity from those moments on have been humbling, eye opening and breath taking. When one sups with The Lord, and when one prays for His revealing of the intentions and desires of our fragile yet hell-bent heart, be prepared to get your boots dirty.  My plans and promises were all but dust in the wind, and what now lie ahead of me would find me knowing the author and finisher of faith was just getting started. His work in the life of the little ones...words stop here. There are none to offer the faithful and infinite Father that capture the reflections of my thanks, I could pray and cry of my thanks forever. For whatever He saw within me still escapes me. The one who needs much forgiveness, loves much in return - may this be intwined in the commission that remains in my life. I will not worship My Lord in deception, but in Spirit and Truth, HE is Spirit, and Jesus is truth.  He came to save the sinners, and like Paul I feel unworthy, for the stripes I added to His pain were forgiven, and this brought upon His grace, and it will always be, sufficient.The knowledge of His grace is such a great mercy to those undeserved like myself.  What I really deserve is death...He took that burden too. Really, what can we say or do but lift up Holy hands and cry out Thank you Jesus, for your love has already conquered the world, and I shall be loyal unto death.

The fire within my soul today stirs me to a gratitude beyond any measure. Infinite will be my reverent worship. You alone, so worthy of every moment, every thought and every day. Lord I give you the moments in between my words when only the silent reflection of all that you are overwhelms me. He saved me from so many things: myself, my flesh, my unfounded pride, and an eternity without knowing faith hope or His love. He saved me from going to church to being the church. The walls of His house is the world awaiting ministry and truth. His truth.

The promise of His grace in my life founded a faith now building upon what the corporate church speaks not: Holiness and obedience and repentance. Power and Spirit and an individual responsibility to carry His Word rightly.  Faith in action will consume the hearer to doing, for fear is the beginning of His wisdom. His work within me reminds me to be clay, as He remembers that I am dust. Lord I beg you, make me the vessel as you will. For what I do not know, you always have. Forgive me in my weakness, and turn these stains into strength so that my very existence will be a witness unto you. 
 
   To know today that I was known by The Father for this time and place upon this earth compels me to tears, fear and trembling. He is all powerful and yet just and merciful. So kind and patient for those willed to and for His grand design; the Knowledge of Him shall make the knees of the strong man so willingly weak in His presence. The more I seek God through an intimate real living and breathing relationship with His Son Jesus, the more I know I will never understand completely someone so Loving and awesome. Our LORD is one. Jesus is my LORD.
 
  My tears are no longer caused by pain. They are drops of gratitude and thanks and reverence They are waters of realizing His work in my little life. The salt on my cheeks reflects how purposed and completely fulfilled I feel to be loved by God and to know, I have purpose.  I am unworthy in the tattered rags of my works, but His grace that is covering the unrighteousness of my ways yields the discipline that results in His completed plan, all in the life of a man who is nothing now without Him. I will never be alone. 

  I grew up in fear of my Father above and my father below. I grew up with the bible and the belt -one left a mark, the other, welt. It was and is and shall forever remain the great gift in my life "He loved us first". The bitter rain of unforgiveness does not belong to me, for He has taught me how forgive with compassion and want. When I dwell upon this thought, that in the dirty corners of my lost and lonely self, He was guiding me through tribulation, I am now thankful for all of that sorrow and lost regret. Faith is a gift to the lowly, and the Hope of His promised rest makes this life so purposed. 

  Thank you so much for calling the humble faithful messenger who listened to you when I knew not your voice or your truth. Her patience and faith and obedience is something I reflect on daily - it stands as a clear testimony to your love lifting the broken from the ashes and placing them under your wings. Her obedience to your word remains as an example to your faithfulness. May our fruitage and calling be complete by and for you. May your story be complete in our lives, and may I never take for granted your servants.

 Thank you for the pain and struggle that lowered me to a place where I could receive you. You have given me life, a life worth living. A love worthy of death, and a faith in the only real love I know I can't earn, deserve or ever walk away from. I owe you all of me, all the time. Thank you Abba Father. In Jesus name.