Finding your purpose in life

   If one would ask me what I was doing and where I was doing it at in the 1990's, my answer would be a guess at best. I call it the blur. The time behind me going much faster than the space ahead of me. In that time there are snippets and blips of things memorable, but most of them to be fair I do not remember. That time in my life was not...memorable. Our forgotten memories are often our friends. I have definitely forgotten more than I have recalled. 

   I spent much of my life living a decent life, but it had no purpose. It had no aim. No goal. No conclusion. Therefore it required no diligence or resolve. The knowledge of having a Father in heaven who literally personally cared about me in a way that I had never been taught or exposed to changed everything. That was on February 23, 2014. I'm telling you right now I've never been the same. Life is not about just me anymore

   That's the day that Purpose found me. Only then could I conclude that I had a purpose. A Spiritual purpose. I was not seeking this, but it had always been reaching out to me. It had been waiting for me to be broken enough to know I needed all put back together. 

  I am not special. I am almost invisible online. I have failed miserably more than I care to share. There are things about me that I cuss word hate. I am not always happy with myself. I am my own worst critic. I let the love of my life slip through my fingers. I hate that about myself. I spend a lot of time alone. I will never have children. I am the black sheep in my family....

....but I am a sheep now. No I did not find a shepherd. The Shepherd found me and His manner of greatness left no doubt about to whom I belong to, and to whom I always have. I reckon to be quite honest. I was not one of the 99. I was the 1 he left the 99 for.

   Our purpose is purposed to us. Along with a calling comes a call to what that purpose is. It is personal individual and vital to the body of Yeshua. This is not a corporate call. It's an individual whisper that when heard I'm telling you, it cannot be denied. You just act upon that notion.  Those in Christ tend to seek and find their position and purpose within His body because that's just what His Spirit does to one. It's much greater than what we can imagine. 

    That's our purpose. 

   

What matters most

    

 I'm fixing to be 52 years old here in a few days. I can't believe I've made it this far physically...all the damned things I've done to this body telling myself it would be alright all in the name of a good time.  Perhaps I've been lucky. That does not outweigh my regret. Trust me there are many times I stare at this reflection and call myself cuss words. I could have done and been, much better. Too late late now. Life is good today nonetheless.

  However, along the way I was rescued. That's the thing about being rescued. Someone else has to do it. There is a recognition from the spiritual that adopts the physical man and says in a place that belongs only to GOD...you belong to me. It probably sounds weird to a physical man. But that's not me anymore. I'll never be the same. I feel like I am 90 percent spiritual and 10 percent physical. A doctor might lock me up for such a notion. But I know better because Yah is real and ALL exists because of him. We are all byproducts of a grand divine plan. That I am even one percent privy to this is the greatest of gifts. Not weird. Does HE not leave the 99...? 

Are you the one?

 

Antoine and I

    

    There was a time where I thought that people hearing from God was absolutely a nonsense, non starter kind of notion. Obviously there are bigger things than small people for a big Father above to worry about. This one thing is something I have been quite wrong about. I'll tell you a story about two sinners who believe now otherwise. Antoine and I. He is my brother now. We have Always been family. 

   So is am at work and I hear The Voice of my Father telling me to approach a new guy at work and ask him if he is a believer. This is a place that His voice is heard inside of a man that only God can access. You can't deny it, you shall listen and obey. So I went ahead and approached Antoine, a once OG and asked him if he believed in the Lord.  Turns out he wasn't just a believer. Antoine was a follower. I was so happy that I had found myself a new member of my family. We became close. That's what God does. His sheep hear His voice and become, one flock.

   Antoine turns out had some weight on his back, prison time hanging over his head. That's a big deal to a free man. To any man. Freedom. As our relationship grew he came to a place where he had to get this weight off of his back. So one day, Antoine made the call and necessary arrangements and turned himself in. And He did. It couldn't have been easy. Sacrificing the temporal for what one knows is eternal. But that's what Antoine did. It was a good day.

   Today was also a good day. I talked to him today as a a free man after many conversations over mail and prison phone time. He got through it. A better man. A more faithful, appreciative and sound of mind and purpose driven kind of man. He has become an anchor now to my own faith, and it's important that he knows that. His faith now strengthening my own. Iron sharpens iron. Brother helping brother. 

   I say all of that to say this. If you ever get the compelling in your spirit to speak about our Father and His Son...do it. For what lies beyond that is a rich reward that will have eternal implications. The name of our Savior is a common bond that cannot be denied or silenced. His name has lasting value to the most unlikely of men. Antoine and I can now speak about this one day where we became brothers forever because of God's supernatural love. 

  Today was a good day. 

My calling and purpose.

   

I thought midlife that having a family and kids and a probably very patient wife was what I wanted from my Father. It's always been my sincere desire to be a dad to kids and a husband to a loving wife. At 51 those days have passed me by like a runaway train. But that is okay. What was more important though was to really know and then fulfill the actual reason I was even born and have made it this far. Nowadays that answer is so clear that it has become my pillow at night. I was born to the service of others. To the most unlikely of those who expect such attention. For I was once such a fellow.

   My money is not mine. Nor is my time. There are times it does seem a burden, but that moment remains such a fleeting notion. What I have been called to do and be is not a decision that is solely mine to make. The value I have found in helping the lowly is a reward that is not even to be spoken of. It is such a private and personal ministry. It is absolutely my calling. There are not any stories I can tell, and there will not be any ribbons with my name upon them, but I am at My Father's service, and I am 100 percent rest assured blessed and beyond belief that someone like me was given such a beautiful purpose. It's like a big secret that exists in my life the thing me and My Father have going on. It's supposed to be that way. I live the most blessed underserved existence I could ever imagine. And it is all between, Him and I. To be able to help somebody besides myself.

  There was a time I was a taker. Yah is a heart changer. I believe that my life will be a living proof of this truth. I bet there are folks that breath their last breath without knowing what they are here for. I lived that way most of my life; aimless. Those days are behind me now, and it's a gift really to know what I am to do and why I am here. For this today, Father I am so very thankful. 

   I am a prodigal son. 

My Birthday

   There is a day that I think about every day. Every single day of my life since that day I always think about this. My turnaround point. February 23, 2014. That is the day I knew that God was personal and not corporate. It changed everything. It still does. Why a sinner like me? 

  Despite me having a Damascus moment, it has taken me such time to be molded in another's image. I still fail, but not as often. Nowadays I much more succeed. Today I want to take a moment and reflect on the patience of Yah. My gratitude extends beyond my reasoning. HIS love has always been exceedingly patient beyond expressing this. I think about the sin I was swimming in years ago when I knew not. Even then His patience was plenty.  I am so grateful now. God's patience is unexplainable. And merciful. It has a fruit bearing purpose. 

   I am now a very simple man. From a  complex and saturated world of everything He brought this man of nothing into something. To be somebody.... somebody small. Who would not be silent and Speak about Him, to the few people in my life that I engage that are also His. That's the purpose instilled within me and His ministry through me. I have no fear. Not to anyone. Not anymore.

  A willingness to be vocal and not silent in the space of sinners and a generation needing to be saved is a great venture. I honestly would not trade my small calling for any other one I could imagine. I feel like I am right where I need to be. Perhaps Yahweh is saving the last of the many through the least of His own. I cannot know His plans

  I can't wait till tomorrow though if that be His will. To see His plans unfold. To see His will be done top to bottom. I am a part of a grand plan despite my smallness. For this, I am on a daily basis thankful

 He loves people through people. 

  

The biggest leap of faith

 Turn off your tv. Get off the Internet. Press into His Word received from above. Trust the still small voice until it becomes a chorus into your soul as loud as can possibly be imagined. Do not trust any relationship not founded upon The Rock. There is a saving salvation, and it is called relationship. HE KNOWS YOU.

Know Him back. On your knees. In your prayers and thoughts. Every single moment know that your greatest cheerleader is also your leader. Your advocate. Your mouthpiece. He leads the way, knows the way and is the way. 

I grew up thinking Yah was up there just waiting for me to screw up. Nothing is further from the truth. HE has been holding my hand this entire time in this thing I call life. There is so much ugly he continues to make beautiful in and about me. I owe him EVERYTHING!

Obey. Submit. Repent. Repeat.

Turn off your tv. Unplug. Recharge. Trust that Holy Spirit that beckons you to His Greatness. It is so good. It is a big leap of faith to say to yourself that all you need is Jesus. If there is more let me know. I am loved and wanted and needed, right where I am today. For this knowledge I am thankful. 

These are the best days of my life.

Exodus

   

    I believe that our Father places thoughts within our hearts. It is the seed and seat of ones motivation. It is not much universal as it is personal. Every morning I read The Word. It's part of my typical day. There is not a day that passes during the week where before I leave my residence I open up The Good  Book that has exposed myself and read me back. I just finished the book of Acts and it was amazing to feel like I was there. The notion was placed upon me to next travel back to the beginning of it all. The book of Exodus. What a story it has been so far.

   I think about thusfar how a man called Moses  had the divine gift to hear from Yahweh, raised by the enemy until He was called to run from his youth into a wilderness and then return to be a salvation to his roots and heritage. I cannot imagine literally audiblly hearing from our Father, and then trying to bargain with Him over semantics. However, Yah understood the man. The purpose and objectives of our Father shall be done. We are ideally powerless, without His power. He was willing to choose someone who needed someone to speak for him. Is that not what we are? Spokesman...

  It brings me a level of comfort to know that Yahweh has not hardened my heart. I have not chosen to listen in as much as He has brought me up to a point where I want and need to hear. I long to hang up on His word. It is a real thing how God chooses things and places and instances in our life where we become humble enough to hear. And to want to do that.

  I was such a stubborn child. Rebellious from birth. I am today very grateful for every difficult place and things I have experienced that has brought me to a place where I long to listen. I'm not proud of myself. I am thankful for God's amazing love.