Overcoming your self

  Every believer has their blind spots. These are often and only removed by denial of the very things that impede our path to deliverance. Pleasing ourself forges an uphill path that can be simply exhausting. For me, this has been a battle for 30 years. I've never just came out and said it. But today I will. Its alchohol. The drink. The bottom of the bottle will only have you finding the bottom, leaving you still...empty. It shames me that I still have this struggle. In truth I deny Holy Spirit power by turning to anything other than God to help me overcome. I know better and thats what gets me.

   I do think of the things of this flesh that Ive seen victory over. Immortality. I used to be so carnal and illicit, and today I find It easy to deny ever going there again. I cannot even imagine sleeping around and not having that completely wreck my conscience. I cant do that to my Father or myself.  I avoid the places where these impulses find fruition. For this I am grateful. Forgiveness. I never realized how much blame I cast upon others for my failures and shortcomings until it was revealed to me in a way that really changed my life. I recall the very day I forgave my dad for his sins, only to realize I was just like him and was ignorant to withhold grace to someone I blamed. I recall crying like I never had and have not since when I realized how much He loved me. I couldnt even get off the floor of my bathroom that day; letting go of things I didnt even know I held onto. It was such a breakthrough for my body and soul and spirit. Today I find it much easier to be merciful because I all too often see parts of myself bound in other people.

   However, there has remained this sin that I believe is leaving me soon because I am sick and tired and ready and able. But am I willing? Am I capable of handing over this pleasure that only brings pain? What compels me to deny this thing that stumbles is realizing its root...Ive forgiven everybody but myself.

   The day Jesus was revealed to me on February 23, 2014, I stopped doing every fleshy thing in my life. Drugs, tobacco and drinking...I stopped all of these immediately and with ease. Just like that. But how Ive let that old familiar spirit residence again behooves me. Ive tended to be an isolationist when times are difficult, and today I see these are the times I must declare invitation to my heavenly Father. It is my prayer today to overcome my self, to deny my flesh. To hand over the things that keep me from His feet and impede discipleship. Really though, isn't this why he ever called me in the first place? To tell others of His truths? To find the lost and broken? To declare good news to His children?

  Father help me completely overcome.